I just can't stay here every yesterday.

You'll never know just how hard this is.

I've broken my own heart - I was convinced that it had withered & died a long time ago, but it was still there. Still tapping out the same worn out beat.

I'm not entirely sure how I worked myself into this situation, or why I feel this way. I wish I knew the answers.

***

Person 1 - That night I spent at yours, I hated myself for not telling you sooner. As much as I don't like to burden you with my problems, I wish that I could phone you at 3am & know that you would listen. Sometimes I get tired of trying to cope on my own. Whenever I'm around you I feel a duty to be clever, funny, happy, wise.
I would like to reveal my weaknesses to you more often.
When you asked me if I thought I should visit the doctor, I shrugged it off. I know that I should, but I also know it isn't that simple.
There are far too many things that I wish I had the courage to say to you.


Person 2 - We have conversations that are far too interesting (if you take age into consideration). I love how we constantly cut across one another - we just have too much to say & little time in which to say it. You'll never know how much I endlessly admire you. I wish that I had your talent & vision. I wish I had your way of thinking.
There's something that I want to tell you - many things, in fact. I'm too afraid that you'll hate me for keeping them secret, or that you'll no longer want to be my friend. I couldn't bear to lose you.
I love our little jokes & the uncontrollable laughter that ensues.


Person 3 - I never really meant it when I said I hated her. I've just always felt that you were far too good for her. I actually just hated the way she treated you - she could make my blood boil sometimes.
I often get nervous about how you perceive me after what I told you that night. I don't like it, I never have. I'm trying to accept it as part of me, but it is harder than I ever imagined. I do love how I feel comfortable with talking to you. My throat doesn't seize up in the normal way.
I've never mentioned the dream I had about you.


Person 4 - I look at you - I feel guilt. I often think that I am destined to live a life tinged with regret.

***

All the things I'll never say. It's such a shame that I have no spine.

Perhaps I am seeing issues that have never existed?

I wish you would push me to talk, but life is not a one-way street.
I want to pour my heart out to you, but the stopper seems to be stuck.

If you ever read this, could you please ask me why?