When your sparkle evades your soul, I'll be at your side to console.

I was tired earlier, but I'm not anymore. I haven't slept in about 44 hours. :/
The last time I went to bed it was Monday night. I don't think I'll sleep tonight either. There's too much rattling about in the old brainbox for me to even try & sleep.

So, I'm trying to content myself by listening to allsorts on my iPod. I've found myself being comforted by acoustic music more & more these days. I'm not quite sure why, perhaps because I'm becoming more subdued in my old age? Haha. I am an old woman trapped in a young girls body though.
I'm currently listening to Emmy the Great's debut album - 'First Love'. It's lovely & acoustic & very 'english'. If there is such a thing. She sounds quite like a straight-talking Laura Marling, but different at the same time. You'll understand if you hear her music.
Here is her myspace page if you fancy having a little listen. Also, the review by The Times of her latest album, if you fancy having a read too. I should be paid for this endless plugging!

I have some work for psychology that should be finished for the morning. However, I find writing this blog far more interesting. Procrastination should be my middle name! I find it amusing how time flies quickly when you're doing something that is even half-interesting & when you are doing something important (i.e. schoolwork) it seems to drag endlessly.

I suppose I really should go get it done. Also, I can't really think of anything else to write at this moment in time. (When I log off, it's inevitable that I'll get an idea! Haha.)
:)

I'm so clever, but clever ain't wise.

So, on to the subject of Mr Peter Doherty's performance on the 18th of March.
Overall, I really enjoyed the night: one of the few gigs where I've come out & thought 'I want to do that all over again'. That thought has stayed with me for a few days now actually. If someone offered me some tickets tomorrow, I would jump at the chance.

I'm really enjoying his current solo album - it's light, refreshing and new. It's quite unlike the disenchanted anthemic sounds of The Libertines or even Babyshambles, it's toned down and actually quite beautiful. All this, without losing the essence that he gives his previous work. I like it :}
(Although I hate how I sound like I'm reviewing the album, haha.)

Overall, I had a really good time. It was quite rowdy & noisy & full of people singing along. I liked it that way though. There was beer flying everywhere, a girl with one shoe, a lot of pointed fingers in the air, " 'aaave it" type laddish behaviour & just a general camaraderie. I'm not really selling it, am I? Haha. It was much better than it sounded. Although this man kept brushing my hair when he was taking photographs. He then preceded to lean his camera/arms on Amy's head! Hmmm. What a strange man.

There was quite a few photographs taken over the course of the night, however most of them have come out blurry or with hands right in the middle! Arg. This is what I get for not eating my greens & growing a few inches. I really enjoy gigs, but that's my pet hate. I'm so small. I always end up behind the tall ones! This is why I like making my way to the front row - I'm not in anyones way (being so small) & I can actually see! Which makes a pleasant change.

"I have a very bad relationship with the future. We don't get on. We just ignore each other."

Jesus made me, so he should save me.

Today has been a sun sun sunny day. I wore my lovely new lemon coat & felt all sunny too. Bought my mum some flowers for mothers day & looked at Macs. I would like an Apple Mac, seeing as I'm too stupid to work a pc. Hm.

I haven't done anything of great significance today. Oh well.
I've been padding about the house on my own, listening to Morrissey for the past hour. Pretty normal stuff, eh? I really really want to go see Morrissey again (so much so that I used the phrase 'really really' - which I hate) & I know by posting that on this blog I will be the subject of ridicule (yes, by you, Amy Johnson) but I don't really care. No one else will read this anyway!

I am currently on a rampage to buy every CD I have ever downloaded. I think the girl in HMV was shocked the other day when I came to her holding all of the back catalogue of many different artists. She probably thought I should own them already. I'm just sick of dowloading. I'm quite happy to be surrounded by antiquities - I would buy records if I had enough money.

This adds further stock to my theory - I am out of time. I was born too late. In theory, it should be 1986. I often don't feel that I have much in common with most people my age. I mean, of course there are general exceptions, but I don't really care for thumping club music, flirting with strangers or getting beat up in toilets. However, when I've 'had one too many' I'll dance to anything. I do enjoy a good night out in the right place though. I like having a dance to some good indie & retro stuff - even though I dance like a baby elephant on smack. I am not at all graceful.

On a further note, I went to see the lovely Peter Doherty on Wednesday & I enjoyed it very much. I've never really heard so many people sing along to an acoustic gig. However, more on that later. I will write a blog on it & post some pictures tonight when I return from glorious work!

I'm off to depress myself with more The Smiths/Morrissey antics.

"I am hated for loving, I am haunted for wanting... I still don't belong to anyone - I am mine."

Touching from a distance, further all the time.

I've had another stupid wasted day, where I've planned to do things but the plans have never actually materialised. A reflection on my life! ;)

Like I said in my last post, I just feel like my life is a long withering string of wasted days. I want to be useful, argh. I've spent the day listening to Joy Division (as you can tell by the title). Feeling sorry for myself in other words, haha. I want to make myself more sociable & amiable & someone that people look to for fun & laughter. I'm boring. I thought only old people were boring. Oh well.

On the upside, I got a B in one of my psychology exams! I'm not quite sure how that happened, seeing as I barely turn up to lessons. I'm just finding it hard to drag myself out of bed in the morning. If there was an option to sleep for the rest of my life, only waking up to do something momentous, I would choose it. I like the idea of hibernation, like fuzzy bears, ha.

Paint a vulgar picture.

I haven't done anything today. I'm so lazy. :/
I didn't wake up until 1.00pm, so it was too late to go into school. I feel stupid. Oh well.
There's an advert on the tele about how Nostradamus predicted 9/11. How stupid. Apparently, his work has never/rarely gone out of print, even though there is serious mistranslation/interpretations of his work. You can make the quatrains fit any situation if you want. Blah. It's silly.

Now there's a programme on the tele about body modification. It's rather interesting. A man is getting a big pattern cut into his back. Ouch, it looks painful.

Today has been another strange day. It seems as if I'm suffering from a long string of strange days. I'm not quite sure what it is to be perfectly honest, but I was watching the tele last night, watching a concert, and I was hit by this feeling: an understanding of how we, as humans, are perpetually lonely. I don't mean that in a negative context, I just think that no matter how much we can connect with another human being, we can never truly know how they feel. You can try to empathise, sympathise, understand, but it never really works. Hmm. Maybe I speculate too much? Perhaps.

There seems to be too many strange thoughts floating around my head at the moment. Should I stay, should I go? Am I this person, or am I that kind of person? Does anyone actually like me for who I am? etc etc etc. I feel as if I'm standing on unsteady ground, just waiting for it to swallow me up and let me into the great 'secrets of life'. Perhaps there aren't any secrets to life. That would be an awful shame. I like secrets, haha.

I'm absolutely up to the eyeballs on pro plus and coffee, so I really want to write. However, I don't really know what to write here, as usual. I could go on and on about my life, but I don't suppose it makes interesting reading material. Not that many people will be reading this anyway! ;]

Oh yes, oh yes. I forgot. I've made some plans for the future now. I've actually got some ambitions, haha. I've decided that next year, or maybe 2011, that I want to do Camp America (www.campamerica.co.uk/index.php if you want to find out more) so I can just have a good time & get to help kids: something I have always wanted to do. It also gives the opportunity to travel & meet new people, so hopefully my stupidly low confidence will increase. :} It does mean spending summer away from home & perhaps 4000 miles away, but I've decided not to sit on my arse anymore & let opportunites pass me by. I've also decided on doing some volunteer work in the next few years, maybe not until after uni, in Estonia or maybe Romania. I'd like to do something worthwhile. Did you know that an estimated 75% of 0-3 year olds are in institutions/orphanages in Estonia?

I want to travel and see the world before I settle down to a career. I'm slightly scared that I might like travelling too much & end up living in some sort of crazy commune like in 'The Beach'! Haha. Then my degree (hopeful) would be for nothing. I sometimes think that theres much more to life than education, but I can also see the importance of academic study, I suppose. I want a degree, simply to have the security that it offers & because I actually enjoy learning, even though I know that it's not the be all & end all. Someone once said: 'There's more to life than books, you know, but not much more.' ;]

I have my psychology assignment to finish, and a stupid philosophy/ethics essay for Miss Kellsall. Grr. I can't be bothered to do it & it's also pretty late. I better do it anyway. :/

Ta ta.

Songbirds don't do singing on pavements.

This whole blog thing is rather new to me. I don't know why I thought it would be a good idea.
It may just become one of those things I do with vigour for about a month, then abandon. Usually not intentionally, mind.
So, I'm not entirely sure where to begin.

My eighteenth birthday came and went without anything great happening. Not that I didn't have a good time! New York was lovely, I really enjoyed spending time with my dad. I could have walked round that city for hours, even despite the biting February wind. It just seemed so 'alive' and vibrant. Clichéd, I know.
People bought me lots of nice presents, and Amy made me the best cakes. Mmm, they were yummy.
Amy & I had a good night out in Nottingham too, even if people thought we were lesbians, ha.

I'm at this really strange point in my life. Waiting patiently on the cusp of adulthood, and I have never felt more like a child in my whole life. It's unfamiliar ground I walk on now. I often think that I might be using university as a means to an end: that I think it will make me happy. I hope it will. I'm just afraid that I'll go and be no different.
Sometimes I wish that I could start my life all over again with a blank slate - tabula rasa. Simply so I could mould myself into the person I want to be.

However anyway, I need to get ready for work. :|
How rubbish.