Kiss the violets as they're waking up.

Small thought for today: Tori Amos is actually a MILF. ;)


I haven't really been up to anything exciting of late. There's been too many exams, to be perfectly honest. I'm not really sure how I've done. Stress, stress, stress.

I've been attempting to write as well. I'm actually rubbish at it, but I'm still trying. Haha. Lots of writing & reading have been going on in my little sphere. I've read some really good books in the past few weeks. Some that have changed my perspective on a lot of things.

My laptop has also commited suicide, so I'm illicitly using my mothers. I hope she doesn't find out. ;)

***

A few thoughts that have been whirring around my head lately. (I'd be pretty disturbed if they weren't to be prefectly honest ;D ) I've realised that I'm alone, but I'm not as lonely as I used to believe. I'm a pretty secretive person & I used to believe that was a bad trait. I now think the opposite. I like it. I don't want you to know absolutely everything. It would be rather boring if you did.

Life is too short for me to let it pass by. This doesn't mean I'm suddenly an optimist. There's something rather satisfactory about being pessimistic - I know that's a paradox, but it's true. ;)
I can't just be angry with myself forever. I'm through with the guilt & shame & the tears & pretending it's all okay.
Well, at least until tomorrow.

***

I apologise for this blog, I realise that it contains nothing of any interest at all. I just thought I better inform you (if you actually are out there, haha) that I'm not dead, or worse.

One final thought before I leave: you don't really know me at all, but you like to think you do. You make assumptions about me based on what little information you have. I don't understand why you did what you did. Jealousy? Spite? Hatred? To provoke a reaction? I'm not sure. Perhaps it was all of these reasons. I thought I needed you, but perhaps I don't. Maybe I do. I'm not entirely sure at the moment. I know that what I do need is confidence, assurance, friendship. I'm through with putting myself in a little box, just so that others can feel comfortable. I'm through with this great front that I put on.

I don't need you to tell me who I am, because I think I already know.