Sing me to sleep.

"I shall never get out of this! There are two of me now:
This new absolutely white person and the old yellow one,
And the white person is certainly the superior one.
She doesn't need food, she is one of the real saints.
At the beginning I hated her, she had no personality --
She lay in bed with me like a dead body
And I was scared, because she was shaped just the way I was..."

I'm just so sick of this shit. I'm so angry right now.

I'm not even sure what I'm angry at anymore.

***

I feel endlessly, hopelessly, completely alone sometimes.

I wish that this wasn't my only output for these feelings because I feel that I use this blog for that line of thought far too much & it has become miserable, which is probably not very nice reading material. (Assuming that anyone other than my friends read this.)

I suppose I can't help the way I feel.

That has become my mantra throughout my life, but it doesn't make things any easier. I wish that I could help the way I feel, I wish I could alter my emotions & make them stop sometimes. I know it all sounds pretty nihilistic & extremely bleak but alas, such is life.

I don't really know where my life is going anymore. I'm scared.